Clickbait
3 min read497 words

Clickbait

Personal
Satire

Thanks to Voltaire and Micromegas

The intelligent life on planet Neerlu (Darwinsia poduas), or simply called Dapos, was highly sophisticated in communication, capable of sharing multimedia through an interface seemingly almost permanently affixed to their anatomy. Despite believing themselves to possess free will, each organism was governed by its own set of algorithms, slightly varied from one another. These algorithms structured external behavior in ways that often maximized one or more variables.

Lately, however, a feature within these algorithms had begun to behave like a virus. It corrupted the system, causing the organism to uncontrollably prioritize visibility above all else-cooperation, ethics, logic, science, and even love. What had once been a survival trait, in the absence of its original evolutionary context, had transformed into something far more dangerous—something beyond comprehension. (Let us call this the I1 variable.)

The Dapos were unaware of this hidden variable, as it lay hidden deep within their operating source code. Those who became aware of it were cast out from the larger collective, deemed heretics acting against the survival of the species.

On a minor planet orbiting a nearby star, a team of highly qualified Dapos announced a population assessment of the dominant surface-dwelling organisms with calcium-based structural support systems. These creatures were air-dependent, socially complex, and—according to preliminary observations—deeply invested in their own continuity. It was well known that the existence of life on this planet was essential for sustaining life on Neerlu.

A small number of individuals were collected, each briefly removed from their native gaseous medium and placed in transparent containment units. The intent, as stated in the protocol, was minimal disturbance: observe, record, and return—lest they trigger a chain of events that could ultimately threaten their own survival.

The specimens reacted immediately—erratic movement, strained vocalizations, visible agitation. These responses were recorded with interest.

“It appears,” one researcher observed, “that they are highly sensitive to environmental change.”

“Which makes rapid return all the more important,” said another.

The observations were completed quickly. The data, it seemed, was sufficient.

Alas, some of the Dapos had been overtaken by the I1 variable and kept the study organisms for longer than their systems could tolerate. When these images were transmitted through high-speed neuro-anatomic networks, they carried the I1 variable maximisation protocol within them as well. The awe of encountering life from a distant planet captivated the rest of the Dapos on Neerlu. The algorithms of all Dapos started changing, slowly uncontrollably maximising the I1 variable.

The I1 variable had discovered the perfect mechanism for replication: to display what was rare. But this came at a cost. More Dapos embarked on interplanetary journeys, seeking to maximize the I1 variable in distant, fragile ecosystems. Each convinced that every death in the pursuit of maximising the I1 variable would benefit life.

The study was deemed a success. Funds were allocated so more of them could be conducted.

Written by me, and edited by GPT.